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How to Have a Positive Relationship with Parents

How to Have a Positive Relationship with Parents

Keeping a positive relationship with parents of your students is probably the most difficult part of teaching. One upset parent can cause you to have unnecessary anxiety and stress and make it difficult to focus on your class.

How to Have a Positive Relationship with Parents

Updated Feb, 2024

After teaching for over 35 years, and dealing with every type of parent, I’ll try to give you some tips on how I keep my sanity.

Your difficult goal is to keep smooth relationships for the entire school year while maintaining your dignity, professionalism, and personal boundaries. This is not so easy!

If you have been teaching any length of time you WILL encounter a disgruntled parent along the way. Some have triggers that make no sense to us but still need to be addressed. 

During my earlier years of teaching, I had my share of parent encounters. I’ve had parents scream at me in the supermarket, throw a book at me during parent conferences, write nasty emails, post on Facebook with other parents, and so on and so on. The “mama bear“ comes out in many parents and they may struggle with self regulation.

You, as the professional, need to keep your face calm and emotion free, squash down your desire to get right back in their face during insults, and turn the conversation into one that is productive. This is seriously hard but doable.

So what can you do to try to avoid encounters and have a positive relationship with parents?

What Students Should Know Leaving Middle School Science

Besides all of the concepts that we need to cover, what do students need to know leaving middle school science?

What Students Should Know Leaving Middle School Science

Updated May, 2024

Of course, we want our students to be good citizens and independent workers, but what else? Here is a list of skills that I think we will agree are critical to cover besides our extensive content.

Critical Thinking Is First!

In my opinion, critical, thinking should be the top of the list. Being able to look at data in a rational, organized way, and draw correct conclusions is important. So many “sources” are thrown at us from social media and other places. Teaching students to weed out “the real science” is critical. Many students may not understand the concept of “fake science”. Future voting decisions, homeownership, career choices, and so on will all need to be researched the correct way, with analytical thinking.

Learning critical thinking should be taught as many different ways as possible. I start my classes with CER image writing prompt bell ringers or I weave it into other assignments, such as analyzing a chemical reaction.(Using CER Image Prompts as Bellringers)

I find that praising the students for thinking hard is effective as long as it’s not overdone. Let’s be honest, most students look for quick, easy answers, so they should be rewarded for the extra brain work.

Organizational Skills

One of the hardest things to teach another person is how to organize themselves. So much of it is a personal preference and style. That being said, most middle school students haven’t really “found their groove” yet in terms of being self-sufficient and mindful of their time and materials.

That’s where we come in as teachers to model, model, model.


In sixth grade, I write up most lab result sections with data charts and questions that need to be addressed. Students need to see how it’s done, over and over. This means that by the time they are in eighth grade I can say “create your own data charts” for the lab that we are doing. 

As for student notebooks, I have gone digital, which was the best organizational change I ever made. I let the students design their own pages, and at the end of each unit I have a rubric which includes a table of contents, all homework, assignments, video, notes, book notes, lab reports, activities, project brainstorming, etc.   No more loose papers all over the place. 

If you are using paper notebooks I recommend one composition book per unit. Include a table of contents and a rubric to grade them at the end of the unit. I tried doing whole semester, or yearly, notebooks and it was a mess.

I have mentioned before that my ADHD students, or even those on the spectrum,  thrive with digital organization. I have a student whose handwriting is basically incomprehensible on a written test. I often have to ask him to translate. His digital notebook on Google Slides? Perfect score, every unit.

Teach Them to Be A Good Person

I will always pause my class if I hear someone not treating another correctly. My expectations are high and I never waver when it comes to bullying, insulting or excluding someone else, etc. Respect to themselves, teachers and others ranks high with what students should know when they leave middle school.  As they head for high school, there will be less forgiveness.

 I find boosting a child’s self-esteem goes miles with their behavior towards others. If your classroom is set up for “little wins”, then everyone gets a chance to feel good about themselves. I also use praise. Genuine praise. A little goes a long way!

Study Skills Are Essential

Let’s face it. Many students arrive in middle school without a strong set of study skills. A large part of teaching any subject is teaching students how to learn. Simply telling them to “study for the test” won’t cut it. 

They don’t even know where to start! 

Show them how to use flashcards, quiz websites, paired learning, games, etc. This will help get them motivated to study and to see the benefits. That said, I strongly believe in using many different types of assessments to hit all learning styles.   

           

How to Take Notes

Everyone should know how to take notes from someone who is speaking or from a text source. Again, we can’t assume students have this skill, and we must model it repeatedly. Give students templates to help organize their thoughts. I especially like Cornell notes and teach it as soon as they get into middle school. After they have completed any notes, I grade them carefully with suggestions.

 Since I have digital notebooks, I can watch the students on their iPads from my iPad. I often realize that I need to slow down and model more. Sometimes several students have barely any words written!

 Many students can’t process notes quickly, so they miss important points. It’s always good to have visuals and to wait for everyone to catch up.

Reading Comprehension and Pulling Information From Text

This is a very important skill.  I have been frustrated seeing even eighth graders read text and choose some of the least important information as they take notes! Guided notes and comprehension questions really work well to teach students how to glean the main ideas out of a text. 

Look for interesting reading passages that have students practicing over and over. Don’t shy away from textbook passages as students will need to use them in high school.

Compare Contrast Using A Venn Diagram

The idea of comparing and contrasting sometimes confuses students as they listen to a lecture, watch a video or read text. Being visual with a diagram helps. However, you will need to model a lot.

Look for situations for students to practice in all of your units. For example, have them compare and contrast the wings of birds and bats, a desert ecosystem to a grassland, or characteristics of a metal versus a nonmetal.

Construct and Read A Graph

When I start teaching graphing to my sixth graders, I start with students using graph paper to draw bar and line graphs. This way, students really understand how and why each plot point is located on the graph. 

We then move onto creating graphs with Google Sheets, Numbers, or Excel. Without doing it on paper first, these apps almost seem to create “magic” as they generate graphs from a spreadsheet. I’ve also noticed that if the app is incorrect at interpreting the spreadsheet, students will pick it up faster if they have done it on paper previously.

Before I did the paper activity, they had the wonkiest, meaningless, computer generated graphs but always with lots of pretty colors!

Search for graphs for students to read and interpret from real data. What trends do they see? How would the graph look differently if the increments of y-axis were changed?  Why would someone presenting the graph change the increments to make the data look more dramatic? Again, the importance of learning to distinguish “real science”. 

Research Skills

I love to bring up a picture of someone using the Dewey decimal system, in a library, and tell students how I did research at their age! We had to go through the filing system, which was difficult in itself, and then pray that the book that we needed was on the right place in the shelf, or even in the library at all! 

Yes, I’m dating myself, but it really gets the point across to the students as they sit there in shock listening to me.

Now the students have the problem that there is TOO MUCH information to weed through and a lot of it is unreliable. Start with explaining the reason why most teachers don’t allow Wikipedia for research and then how anyone can create a website.

OCTUPOD 

When doing research projects always ask the students to use citations and make sure you spot check them. Students must learn the laws of copyright and the consequences for plagiarism. They need to understand that just because an image is on the internet, that they can right click and save, doesn’t give them free rein to use it anywhere. Honestly, many adults still don’t understand that! Google images seems like an endless source of free pictures.

Students also need to understand the methodology for doing a research paper. Model how to outline their thoughts and how to structure the paper so that they don’t ramble randomly.

Work Ethic and Pride in Their Work

This isn’t so easy to teach, but if you set up the classroom with many little wins, it will become easier. Try not to focus on “getting it done for the sake of the grade”. This may encourage overwhelmed students to take shortcuts, or to shut down completely.

Breaks down work into little bites. Brainstorm with them and then do daily check-in so students feel accomplished. Reward the work that is done for those that struggle.

If an assignment is ripped out of a notebook and it tears, don’t accept it. Keep your standards high, and students will rise to them. Model at the beginning of the year what is acceptable and talk about having pride in their hard work.

Learning How to Communicate

This covers many aspects of being a good student and citizen. How should students ask for help in class? What should an email to you look like? Should it look like you’re texting your teacher?  Model this on the first day of school.  

Discuss how to work in a group where others may have different opinions than yours. Constantly remind them how they would prefer to be treated themselves.

Organizing a Project

Some teachers may shy away from long-term projects, such as Rube Goldberg machines, or other STEM activities. This could simply be because the lack of structure and chaos is just too much.

Try structuring the projects in doable sections with stop points. Implement daily rubrics to keep up accountability. When students learn how to work against reasonable deadlines, they are calmer and more organized with less “false starts”.

If possible, I try to keep the majority of the project work in school rather than at home. This means each student learns time management equally without having home distractions.

Learn Enough Basic Science Concepts to Make Intelligent Decisions

Of course, we have course content that needs to be taught. However, I believe that every concept should be brought into the student’s every day lives. Work hard to tie the topics into their world. Anticipate the “why do we have to learn this?” and START with the importance first. This helps the students be engaged and own the material.

For example, if you’re studying weather and clouds you can ask the students “how did you know, before you started this unit, that it might rain by looking at the sky?” Build on their existing knowledge, and they will see how knowing more simply enriches their lives. 

Yeah yeah, not every concept works out so well. However, the more you try to make it relatable, the better.

There are teachers who feel rushed to get concepts into students before end of year testing. If you choose even the shortest activities, that are relevant to their lives, you will find much more concept retention.

Conclusion

There are a lot of concepts that we need to get into middle school students, in terms of the actual science content. However, making them into good citizens, self-reliant learners, and organized workers, is critical as well. Please check out my other blog post on how to structure projects, keep students organized, set up digital notebooks, teach relevant topics, etc. 

Kindergarten, First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth, Homeschooler, Staff, Not Grade Specific - TeachersPayTeachers.com

Prioritize Open and Transparent Communication

It took me a long time to realize that sending emails about major assignments and projects, with all of the requirements, BEFORE students start working makes a HUGE difference! That extra bit of information can calm a situation rather than having a panicked student trying to explain the requirements to the parent the night before it is due.

Jump on the school website to notify parents about a test one week before you give it. I have a rule in my classroom that I MUST give students and parents one week’s notice before any unit test. If I don’t, I will move the test. I tell the parents and students this at the beginning of the school year. They respect that I stick by this.

If an email from a parent comes in, I try to address it within 24 hours. On the other hand, if it comes in the evening, I will wait until the morning. Be careful not to engage in too much back and forth. Some parents can treat email like texting if you respond too quickly or too often.

Stay on top of any behavior or academic issues and send that information home to the parents. You may feel that you are being annoying, but it provides a “paper trail”  and keeps parents from coming in and saying “no one ever told me that there was a problem”.

Middle school science teacher blog sciencebysinai.com

Approach Interactions with Empathy and Understanding

When I first started teaching, I was 22 years old, and I had NO IDEA how hectic a household of children could be for parents. I would assign crazy, big projects that involved purchasing materials.  Plus, my deadlines were way too short. I had no realistic frame of reference because I lived alone quietly in my first apartment! I will admit that I wasn’t too patient with the “I couldn’t get out to get poster board” letters from frazzled parents.

Fast forward to being married with my own child and, WOW, did my perspective change! There were ALWAYS things coming up. Soon after that, I wasn’t fond of my daughter’s teachers asking ME to spend money on projects. I made a 360° turnaround. 

Now, I assign only things that involve recyclable materials and I put a good part of the projects into my CLASS TIME rather than at home. I tell the parents this at Back to School night which really makes them appreciative. They realize that I really DO understand.

Set Clear Boundaries And Expectations

This is a hard one. Especially in this “instant contact” age where an unanswered email or text seems like an insult. I explain at Back to School night, plus in writing, that my working email hours don’t include the evenings. This does help tremendously for the most part.

Mind you, not all parents will respect the hours.  Having it in writing, before the parents come to you with a “I emailed you four times last night and you didn’t respond!”, makes a big difference.

I’ve had parents ask for my cell phone number so they can text me any questions. That’s a hard NO. Plus, once you give it to one parent, they may easily pass it along to others! It is important that the administration and front office also know to not give out teacher’s cell phone numbers.
That being said, make sure you carve time into your work day to take calls or respond to emails.

You may also get parent requests for following on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn. I will never accept any requests, even after the students have been out of my classroom. Be careful with your privacy settings on social media because the students and parents WILL find you. 

My eighth grade students came into class one day all excited to brag that they found me on TikTok. They thought I would get all upset. My response was “Great, but you’ll be bored, it’s just my teacher’s business”. This took the wind out of their sails. It did make me extra thoughtful about EVERYTHING I post though.

It is a part of being any professional, but unfortunately worse for teachers, that your social media needs to be thought out before posting

Focus on Solutions and Collaboration

An upset parent is usually mad at their child, but they will take it out on you. How you respond to that will make a very large difference in your future relationship with that parent. Try to redirect that anger into a working plan.

I tell them that “Mommy or (Daddy) power” is very useful to both of us. I promise to keep the communication open and report any step out of line from the student. This way you give the parent the opportunity to deal with it that evening. However, make sure you keep up with that communication, once you have promised it. 

 Yes, it is more work to document everything, but nothing is worse than admitting to your administration that the behavior has been going on for “awhile“ and you didn’t document it or tell the parent.

When the parent feels like you are communicating with good intentions, they will usually be much more receptive to help. The bonus is now the student knows that you talk to his or her parents often. That usually gets them into line,

Professionalism and Confidentiality

Always respect the privacy of the students and the parents. For the last 15 years I have not gone into the teacher’s lounge at school because I was shocked about how freely families and students were being discussed! I’ve talked to teachers from other schools, and they have said the same thing!
We all live in the same community and quite a few teachers are also parents. Any negative talk is bound to get back and cause resentment, along with a lack of respect.

Be careful with your social media posting, as mentioned above. Too many times, I have seen posts from teachers that start with “story time!” and then proceed to tell about a recent scenario in their classroom. Even if no names are mentioned, it can cause a mess that your administration will have to address with you.  It’s really not worth the extra clicks on your post.

Once parents see that you have integrity, they will be more willing to work with you. If you don’t partake in the “whisper down the lane“ activities, you will be known as the one who stands by their own morals,

Seek Support When Needed

No matter how many preliminary actions you take, to maintain a positive relationship with parents, you may still have uncomfortable encounters. If you foresee that coming, enlist in a colleague, or administration to sit in on meetings.

I always prefer to be face-to-face, with someone else present, because a volatile phone call can become a “he said, she said” situation without a third-party to witness.

Work with the school counselor to brainstorm strategies to help a student. Most parents will be pleased to hear that you were working towards helping their child. Plus, the counselor may be able to give you effective strategies for dealing with difficult situations with students or parents.

Many times I have approached the school counselor with a student issue and learned that there was a lot going on at home. This can range from an angry divorce, abuse, or chronic illness. It really puts a new perspective on the student, which makes it easier to have empathy while communicating with the parents. 

Remember, harsh words towards you are almost never personal. You may have been the last straw for the overstressed parent and you got the brunt of the pent-up frustration. Keeping that in mind helps so much!

Conclusion

You can’t make every parent happy and content, but having open communication, respect, patience and understanding, will almost always lessen the negativity that they may have towards you or the school. It is hard to maintain anger when there is no fuel! 

If you do have a difficult parent who, no matter what you do, continues to be unhappy, I also have some strategies for that in my blog post called Dealing With Difficult Parents as a Teacher.

Kindergarten, First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth, Homeschooler, Staff, Not Grade Specific - TeachersPayTeachers.com

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